Silent Tears and Silenced Pride
by 4 the dragon hearted girl
Summary: Returning home without Max is hard for everyone but especially for Isabelle. The only person who can comfort her is someone she least expects to understand. Even Jace can feel hurt and he's been through a lot for a guy his age more than most realise.
1. A bitter return

**I know Im supposed to be writing my Rangers Apprentice story but I just cant will myself to do it and this short story came to mind so….**

**Enjoy!**

Every sense in her body screamed that she shouldn't be here. Wasn't worthy of being here. She agreed with them all.

Max. Poor, innocent Max. The young boy who couldn't use a weapon to save his own life. Even if he could have it wouldn't have helped him against Jonothan. Only his sister could have saved him when he needed help and she wasn't there. She would have done anything to take his place to die and bring him back. But there was nothing she could do. Max was gone and it was her fault.

Suddenly standing at the foot of the Institute Isabelle saw the building as everyone else did for the first time. The looming shadows looked imposing not welcoming. The building looked cold, bleak and unforgiving it didn't want her here. The huge doors weren't there to keep her safe inside this time, instead they sent her a warning. Entering here would only bring back painful memories like intentionally hitting herself over and over again.

Yet she entered. It didn't feel like a slap across the face, in fact she barely felt anything at all. As she got deeper in the house she felt the pressure starting to build. Everything reminded her of Max, the corner he used hide in when he begged to play hide and seek, the toys he played with and his clothes tossed carelessly around the house.

She could feel that Jace and Alec felt the same way, they had barely spoken since they arrived through the portal except to thank Magnus for making it for them. Alec had stayed to say a few more words promising to catch up with him later but Magnus didn't pressure him. He knew it would be a tough next few days for them all. Their parents wouldn't be back for another few days because they still had mountains of paperwork to fill in.

Stuck in her own world Isabelle accidently walked into Alec who had stopped abruptly in the hallway. She was about to go off at him, anything to get rid off all the tension in her body, when she looked up.

Isabelle felt her knees buckle as she sank to the floor wishing it would swallow her up. There in front of her was the couch by the window where Max always sat with his comics or lay there asleep with his glasses askew. Seeing the couch she could almost imagine Max was sitting there like normal. Almost.

Before she knew it strong arms had picked her up and carried her to her bedroom. She thought that she should open her eyes but she couldn't. So she kept her eyes closed as the arms placed her in bed because to open her eyes meant that she had to face reality and right now she couldn't do that.

She felt the soft blanket being pulled up to her shoulders as her mind slowly shut itself down.

**Hopefully I can post the next chapter soon but no promises Im fairly busy but I'll try my best**


	2. Coming to an understanding

**I'm sorry the last chapter was so short I just wanted to post it soon. Even this one isn't very long I just wanted to get it out there and see what people thought so I hope you enjoy it. Please send feedback I would really like to know how I have done because this is a bit out of my comfort zone because its all about Isabelle coping with Max's death but I haven't really had anyone close to me die so like I said reviews are great.**

Isabelle's eyelids slowly fluttered open taking in her surrounding she sat up. In front of her leaning uncomfortably onto the arm of her high backed chair was Jace. Hearing her moving he looked up inquisitively.

"Ah, sleeping beauty has awoken I see. Not going to faint on me again I hope?" He asked Isabelle.

Slightly annoyed she replied, "For your information I didn't faint I was awake the whole time I just didn't bother to mov-" Realising how lazy or feeble that made her sound she didn't bother continuing. To her surprise Jace didn't have a sarcastic comeback waiting for her, in fact he didn't reply at all.

Peeping between the curtains above her bed Isabelle realised that it was well into the morning, almost eleven o'clock. Slightly embarrassed she didn't fail to notice the fact that Jace had probably been sitting in the chair waiting for her to wake up since early last night.

Both of them sat there in silence neither one willing to talk first until finally Isabelle requested that Jace leave so she could change. Usually Isabelle couldn't have cared less that Jace was in the room but today was different. Getting changed wasn't the real reason she wanted Jace to leave she just wanted to be alone. Alone in the silence and shame.

With a joking bow he left the room before she could see the concerned expression on his face. He knew her better than to believe the lie she had told him, but he knew she needed time alone. Besides it wouldn't hurt to check on Alec and see how he was doing.

Once Jace had left Isabelle felt unsure of what to do but she knew one thing; she didn't want to go out there and face everyone. She couldn't bear to see Alec's sad empty expression or try to decipher Jace's mask-like face disguising, his feeling so well. There was even the change that she would have to face Magnus's cat eyes watching her as though he was reading her like a book.

She sat herself down on the floor unsure what to do she didn't want to face the rest of the house or its inhabitants but she couldn't stay in here forever. She crawled back into bed willing herself to fall asleep but her body didn't need rest even if her mind did.

Eventually it was her stomach that made the decision for her, she needed food. There would be nothing good to eat in the house and besides she didn't want to hang around anyway so she'd go to Taki's, the best downworld diner there was.

Isabelle grabbed some old clothes that had been thrown onto the bureau and slipped them on. She was almost at the door when she realised that she didn't have money so she scrounged through another pile of clothing till she found a handbag with a twenty dollar bill.

Sliding out her bedroom door she made sure to be as quiet as possible but even with all her experience things still go wrong. Isabelle was halfway down the hall when the door next to her creaked open only to reveal….Church. Breathing a sigh of relief Isabelle gave him a quick pat on the head, which made Church batted his paw at her angrily, before continuing down to the elevator.

When she got to the elevator it was a smooth ride out the door and onto the street outside. There weren't many people out on the streets, this was the time when most mundanes were at work or school.

Isabelle was slightly surprised that no one in the house had spotted her or asked where she was going but she figured they all had their own problems without having to deal with hers. Alec was probably being comforted by Magnus and Jace well who knew where Jace was, maybe he went to the greenhouse the Isabelle hated the place and couldn't understand why anyone would want to be there.

The walk to Taki's was uneventful, Isabelle spotted a few faeries and werewolves but they all steered clear of her. Not that it mattered either way, everyone was getting along pretty well since the resigning of the Accords and even if they weren't on friendly terms Isabelle was more than happy to take them on.

She went to sit at a booth when she realised that someone was already sitting on the opposite seat facing right where she was about to sit contently munching on fries. Without bothering to look up he said, "Hey Izzy, couldn't stand the Institute anymore than I could?"

That's why Jace didn't spot her leaving as she left home he had beaten her to it. Isabelle didn't bother answering his question and she didn't need to, Jace knew from the silence that he was right.

Kaelie the pixie waitress saw Isabelle sit down and came to see if she wanted to order anything. Isabelle didn't bother with the menu she just asked for her regular Taki's tropical smoothie. Usually she would have ordered fries aswell but since Jace beat her to it she figured she'd just eat his instead.

Jace and Isabelle both sat there in silence picking at the fries and slurping the drink that Jace had decided to help himself to, neither of them speaking. Isabelle didn't see the point in saying anything and Jace didn't know how to start and he didn't think this was the right place. So they both sat there using each others company as an excuse not to head home.

When all the food was gone Jace offered to go to the park with Isabelle who quickly accepted. They both got up from the comfortable booth and paid for their food before heading out.

The park bench wasn't nearly as comfy as the booth was but neither of them minded and if they did they didn't mention it. This time Jace wasn't happy to wait for Isabelle to start the conversation he thought it was about time she got this off her shoulders.

"Izzy, I know what your thinking it wasn't your fault," Jace said trying to make her see that he understood how she felt.

"What would you know about it?" Isabelle said releasing her frustration like opening up a dam. "You're the hero! The guy who saved the day and everyone's proud of. I'm the girl who let her brother d- I let him die! He tried to warn me, he said there was someone climbing the towers but I didn't listen to him. I sent him away!"

"It was not your fault anymore than it was mine, I never trusted Jonothan. I should have known better than to leave you with him but the truth is I didn't and nothing we say or do can change that Izzy."

"That's not the point when it all comes down to it I'm his sister I should have been there!" screamed Isabelle who was almost in hysterics now still didn't dare look up at Jace's penetrating gaze. If it weren't for the runes they were both wearing the entire suburb would be watching the outburst. Only a few downworlders noticed though and even fewer stayed to watch.

"And Alec and I are his brothers. You're not helping anyone by blaming yourself but from experience I know that telling you this isn't going to change your mind in fact as I'm saying this it's all going in one ear and out the other." Cupping his hand around Isabelle's cheek he forced her to look him in the eyes. "Izzy, I need you to listen to me! I know how you feel I have been through it. In fact I thought I was even more to blame than you believe you are. I hid in a cupboard believing that my father was being murdered in front of my eyes! I didn't stop them I knew that I could of I even had a weapon strapped to my belt but some part of me froze. I couldn't move I couldn't even call out. Before I met Clary and all of this happened I lived in guilt that I was to blame for my father's death, I didn't tell anyone. What could I say? Oh I just thought I'd let you know that I am the reason my father died at the hands of Pangborn and Blackwell!"

As Jace's words kicked in Isabelle paled like he had just punched her in the stomach. "You never told us. We could have-"

"What could you have done, Izzy? You may have sympathised but that was all you couldn't help me or turn back the clock. What's done is done. Would you have told me how you felt if I hadn't come up to you? No, because you didn't think I'd understand and most people wouldn't. I don't blame you for what's happened to Max and no one else does but you have to let me help you. At least try?"

**Dun dun dun! Cliff hanger. I hope your enjoying the story and you see where Im coming from, I wanted people to see a weaker side to Jace and understand that he's been through a lot at a young age. I think there will be one final chapter so you'll have to wait for that**

**Thanks for reading**


	3. Forgiveness

**Thanks for your patience here's the final part of the story…**

"I will try it," said Isabelle sighing.

"Good," Jace said finally letting go of their eye contact and releasing her. "I think it's time we check on Alec, you never know what he and Magnus are getting up to all alone at home." With a mischievous grin he stepped back to avoid getting swatted by Isabelle.

"I don't understand is that it? Your just going to tell me a sob story, say try to get over it and be done? What sort of help are you?" Inquired Isabelle cheekily.

"Oh so you're the one with the experience now,eh? All hail Dr. Izzy we shall all bow to you and you great wisdom!" Proclaimed Jace, who was more than happy to give as good as he got. "For your information Miss Wisdom I think we have both had more than enough serious conversation for one day, it's time we go home."

So with that they headed back to the Institute slightly happier but never quite at peace, Max still haunted the back of their minds. Both of them discussed unimportant things like the pro's and con's of certain weapons and what they thought was the most commonly used angels name, when naming seraph blades. It was nice pretending that life was back to normal for awhile, at least as normal as it ever got, neither of them believed the feeling would last but the brief respite was appreciated.

When they reached the Institute they were greeted by Church who followed them both until they gave in and got him what little cat food was left in the cupboard. They discussed going shopping but neither of them could be bothered so they put it off for another day.

They purposely went to Jace's room this time as to avoid passing what would henceforth be thought of as Max's couch. Jace's room as always was very clean but Isabelle did notice there was a pair of dirty jeans tossed on the floor. She thought that he must be slipping a bit, then she reprimanded herself after all weren't they all slipping a bit, he did stay in her room all night she could cut him some slack.

That night they all went to bed earlier than usual, Alec only came in to say a brief goodnight before disappearing back into his room. When it was time for Isabelle to return to her room Jace lightly grabbed her arm just before she left.

"Try not to think about it too much Izzy," neither of them stated what "It" was, they didn't have to. So with a quick goodnight they headed off to bed.

The next morning when Isabelle woke she felt refreshed, the pain was still-it might not ever really leave but the numbness had gone. She went into the kitchen and got herself some dry crackers(one of the only foods left in the house) and headed to Alec's room only to find he wasn't there. Instead there was a note on his bed saying "Gone to Magnus's for the afternoon will bring home Chinese for dinner. Alec"

She went to find Jace but he was busy talking on the phone to Clary so she resigned herself to waiting in Hodges old study.

That's exactly where Jace found her almost an hour later, "Reminiscing are we?"

"Hmmm-oh yeh I guess. How's Clary?"

"Oh she's fine, busy but fine. I think she was more concerned about us really."

"It's no wonder, all you ever do these days is run from one dangerous situation to the next!"

"Your one to speak, I can still picture you running at Jonothan like there was no tomorrow." Jace joked

As soon as Isabelle spoke he regretted his words, "There wasn't for Max."

"Im sorry your right that was stupid of me to say, but it did make me think. It's time for your first lesson. What's done is done, Izzy, and I'm sorry if this seems harsh but Max would hate to see you like this. In fact I think Max would be disappointed with you if you never forgave yourself and never did anything other than blame yourself for his death. Don't you agree?"

"But-"

"No, no but's. What happened that night was a mistake, a huge one but the truth is you've paid the price for your mistake now go and learn from it! Honour Max by never making a mistake like that again, train harder than ever, don't give it up! When someone commits a big crime they go to prison and when there sentence and punishment is over they are released they don't run straight back to prison. You've paid your price!"

"But I haven't even had a punishment."

"Losing Max was your punishment, it was harsh and a huge price to pay but it was your punishment never the less. Not just your punishment the whole of Alicante's punishment. Every nephilm payed a price for their mistakes, for being so proud as to believe that we couldn't be defeated."

"Go train hard, fight hard. Why do you think that I'm such a good fighter?" A little bit of his former cockiness returning to his voice.

"Uh maybe cause your part angel?" Isabelle replied sarcastically.

"Well there's that and my obvious charm and bravery as well. But-"

"Since when did charm help you defeat anything besides your own humility?"

"Well it won you over didn't it?" Jace countered leaving Isabelle slightly speechless. Continuing he said "Before you so rudely interrupted I believe I was talking about my wonderful fighting skills. Anyway, I got them because when I believed my father died I told myself I would never freeze up in a situation like that again. So everyday I practised and practised. I know that you and Alec used to wonder why I never stopped practising, now you know. Because I told myself I would never again allow myself to fail. Then that time with the Greater Demon at Madame Dorthea's I thought I had failed for the second time in my life because I was so concerned about Clary. It made me more scared than ever before…"

"You didn't fail us Jace, its alright for you to care for more than one thing you know?"

"Yeh I know that now it just took a few mistakes for me to realise it. You're allowed to make mistakes too, Izzy."

They both sat there for a awhile before Jace got up to leave. As he got to the door he didn't bother turning around but he spoke again, "Izzy, Train hard, be strong and learn from your mistakes it's what Max would have wanted. I'm here if you need me but something tells me you can do this on your own. You're strong enough to face this, we all believe in you!" With that he left the room to late to hear Isabelle's reply.

"Thankyou."

**Hey everyone I hope you enjoyed my story, I would still love any feedback. I might even add a chapter more at some point just so you see how Isabelle goes but no promises. Thanks for reading**


End file.
